Showing posts with label memory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memory. Show all posts

20.5.13

giving thanks

some of my nearest and dearest have made and sent the most thoughtful gifts...


such a generous surprise from Heather, who knows my feelings about trees..
we studied them together.
she even contacted my hub to make the arrangements. 
i was so moved by this gift to the earth!   


and not long after the worst, I received
"Fairy dust" by Handstories (embiggen to see all the dust!)  
all I had to do was mention faeries, and off she went!  
it even includes a fragment of Grandma's sheet 
(and there aren't many people who can say that!)
it softened my heart and made each day a little easier to bear.


and then such preciousness blew in from my dear Dana of Leililaloo
who knew from across the pond how much I needed gentle care.  
she even included the tree painting, below.  


there were also lovely cards, texts, comments here and facebook messages of support and love.
i'm still heartbroken, but i'm also ecstatic to have such friendship.
i feel very blessed to have such a father,
and to still have such beautiful souls in my life.
*thank you all*

3.4.13

fluff and maudlin



 

these are some batts i whipped up not long ago. i missed spinning and fiber so much while i was at my folks' place, but now that i'm home, i'm feeling meh about it again.  there's too much else to do, too much to feel and think about and process.  i think my relationship with fiber is one of control.  while i'm carding, spinning, stitching, i feel as though i have some order and that things are holding together as they should.  it's a great feeling.  but when i'm not able to do fiber it's because all is hanging out... there is no control... or i'm admitting that there never was.

it's not that it's right or wrong to want to be in control and to be exercising that desire through fiber, but i think it's good that i become aware of it.  then the maniacal stitching that happens sometimes starts to make sense.  did i tell you about that book i read called Solstice Wood?  i think i did, but anyway, the ladies in the fiber circle were stitching together the boundaries between the worlds.  i can so easily relate to that... i want to keep the boundaries closed, at least in terms of my papa - i don't want him crossing over, not yet, not soon - but it seems they are thinning anyway and there's nothing i can do to stop it.  so i'm leaving them wide open and hoping we all get swallowed up.

so what activities are good for life-in-transition?  dyeing?  water usually soothes my wild beast.  or how about making pies.  reading and sleeping have been my mainstays but i should try walking the wolf pup through the woods.  too bad we lost that bungee leash, it made it so much more comfy to walk with her.  she's so incredibly strong and still she wants to chase birds, so she can't be left to run on her own.  catching up on blogs and feeling connected to other people today has helped a little.  there must be some way of staying present even in this grief, but if i'm honest, i don't even want to, i want to escape to a make-believe world that i create and stay there.  where he is always there, singing to me, just like when i was a baby girl, "you are my sunshine," or "hush, little baby."  i was always most excited about the billy goat. or i can take over on the singing part. i can do that.

1.4.13

deerie

     


i found this little dear awhile back on a walk through our woods.  hir skull was poking up through the leaves just as bright and heady as a queen surveying hir realm.  i stopped in my tracks and without even thinking, gathered hir to myself.  i soon realized that there was much more of hir bone gold to be found under the layers of damp leaves and earth, and each limb bone and vertebrae that extruded felt like another gift, and there were many.  i hadn't brought a bag or basket for gathering, so i took off my aran sweater, a long-ago gift from mum and a staple for me on cold winter days, and laid hir out.  the green and brown staining made me wonder if bones could be dyed like easter eggs.  




i have since cleaned and bleached dearie's remains and they are pristine, blanched, beautiful.  i have thought about making hir into a mobile, in which i would crochet hir back together and add some of hir missing bits, as i imagine hir when s/he was alive.  i have been guilty of following the trend toward bone collecting, toward rewilding, earthing, primitive living - they are all connected somehow, are they not?  is there not a bone craze making itself felt throughout the craft world, in jewelry and on etsy? 




 i know i'm not the only one gathering and crafting with bones and animal-ephemera, not the only one with a red fox tooth ear cuff and tail, a crow cast skull necklace, a set of my own indigo-dyed cat bone adornments, a gifted antler wand, a cache of precious traded squirrel bones, a grandiose four-horned sheep skull and any number of thrifted taxidermied friends whom i've collected since childhood (and i'll only barely mention here my roomfull of wool).  we are, many of us, held rapt in their presence.  lupa has written about the magick of animal parts, and hoodoo has a long tradition of using animal claws and bones along with herbs to make their mojo.  although with hoodoo, i believe many root doctors don't shy from a human finger bone or other as curio.  



 i am wondering though if i was right to unearth dearie.  if this fetishization of animal remnants is yet another form of speciesism.  most of us wouldn't consider having human bones around.  and yet while we seem to separate nonhuman animals out this way for adornment or decor, it isn't on surface smacking of disrespect, but rather of honour.  we who fetishize hold them sacred.  we don't venerate human bones in the same way partly out of human exceptionalism, but also because they aren't that interesting.  (although i do have a close friend who was able to snatch up a small bone of her dear friend who met an early death.  she found it when they scattered her friend's cremains, and kept it, a beautiful story).

deerie seemed comfy there in the woods, no matter that her skull sung out to me, a beacon.  i am not the most observant of kin, something i'm trying to change, but still i need company when morel-hunting to spy the little phalluses.  i tend to miss the glorious details, but s/he shone so brightly to me that i could not resist or refuse hir.  the problem now is that there is no art i can make, no method of display, no reanimation or imagination that won't fall depressingly short of Hir in life or spirit.  s/he now lies wrapped in a tea-towel embroidered with the day of my birth, another gift from mum, awaiting my plans.  whatever i decide, i think it's important that before s/he ends up forgotten and dusty with my own remains that s/he be respectfully re-interred.  

9.3.13

waylaid


this was one of the loveliest, most thoughtful gifts ever
a vase from my friend Susan
who is an amazingly talented sculptor and potter
and yes, with violets on it
it's the first object of ours that I brought into the house.

work on the house is Happening
the new roof, and work on the plumbing
but i've been waylaid
we learned today that my darling father has the cancer, again.
so it might be some time before i'm back
making this house into Home
or making the rounds in blogland
but i do miss you all.  

1.2.13

13 acres

this is what the land looks like..

 this is that tree in the middle of the old well-house
it's an evergreen (obvs) and full of berries!
anyone know what kind it is?

and this is one of three sisters out in the pasture
Sarah thought it looked like an apple tree
anyone else? 

and this is the old barn.  i think it'll do just fine for the bunnies
and the lean-to will be good shelter for the donks and sheepies.
hub thought it might fall over, but i figure it's been here a while.

and we found this old trunk in the barn, how exciting!
this isn't who we bought from.  i love picking in general, but from our own land is the best.
i think we'll use it as a coffee table. 

and the sand!!  the sand is so weird!!  
this area of NC is called the Sandhills, but i'm so shocked to see it everywhere
at least we won't have so much mud and muck like here
i do love drainage.

28.1.13

She's Ours

So, we did it!
I had cold feet on the way to the bank, I'm not sure why!
Since the sellers did their thing on Friday,
our part of the closing took all of 15 minutes, or maybe 10.
We got lots of new keys.

We went to the house and the Buick was gone!
Which is a Good Thing, since we had no title or clue.
And then we opened door after door and looked
and looked ...
and looked around.
We were so awed that I couldn't bring myself to snap pics, you know?
but gawsh She needs a lot of work!

I put my special violet vase in the window.
Lit sage.
And then started ripping up lineoleum to see what they were hiding!
Yeah, some damage to the wood floors, but nothing so terrible.
And old, dark, kinda interesting tile in the kitchen.
I had planned on marmoleum
(look at all those awesome colours!) but then
I might just keep what's there.
I tend to do that.

(Pic from a previous, preliminary inspection!)

Back tomorrow to meet a heating & air dude,
and go to the waterworks and get that turned on.
And then Friday meeting a roofer!

And not-so-suddenly, I want to stitch again.

7.1.13

Seems like everyone is sick around here..



The Mazarin Stone episode features a most extraordinary room:


Holmes's Third Eye:


Such a poignant moment.
I'd like to do a 2012 year-in-review, but this pretty much does it.  

30.12.12

Burn the Log, O Fire!


Hope everyone had a Merry Yule and Happy Christmas!!

My short-term plan is to be getting back to fiber soon.
As soon as I get back home, around the 8th.
I want to focus on natural dyes and battsss.
I have some theories as to why I had to stop stitching, for a time anyway,
and one is summed up in these lyrics to a Papa Roach song:

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much

and the Scars remind us
that the past is Real
I tear my heart open
just to feel.

And btw, check out this interview with me on Spin Artiste!

22.10.12

i remember this day


i was five.  i remember going out to the truck that morning thinking,
i'm five.
that would have been 1973.
this was in luce park in kansas city, where we're from.
i always loved going to luce park because i could feed the ducks and swans.
they are still there, too.  but where am i?  who is this child?


that's mum and papa in the foreground, in their matching white shoes.  
so strange looking at mum's face at that age because
it's my face, looking out at me.
and next to her is mrs. watson, the mother of my little friends
michael and miriam watson, who are sitting on the other side of me.
funny we are eating KFC.
that was a birthday food of choice again not so long ago.
my disgruntled older siblings are at the other end of the table.
seems like some weird energy down there, or maybe that's how i remember it.
although my sweet brother nick, on the end, always the photographer.
he took that pic of me, and he recently sent me these.
this wasn't too long before we moved to florida, i think.
papa is being released from the hospital today, after two weeks.

21.7.12

i kissed it





this is a top-whorl Golding spindle
carved out of Irish bog wood
it's of Blarney castle
gifted to me by a very dear friend, Mother Seraphima..
what a treasure!!  
and it came at such a good time
because i had been feeling fluish and it completely distracted me from that.

you may know of my fondness for Victorian mourning jewelry and sometimes it was made out of this same type of fossilized bog oak.  so i am truly in love with this piece... i even kissed the Blarney stone on a long-ago honeymoon.  i'm not sure it gave me the gift of gab, but this gift is even better.

12.6.12

the day of the elder coat

so i've reimagined my elder cloth, or at least a portion of it, as an elder coat.  





it's been so easy.  which makes me feel i'm on the right track.  i had taken the old quilt top and backed it with muslin with the idea of it being the middle part of the elder cloth.  but it was a great rectangle, and it seemed perfectly formed for cutting an opening and a neck.  and then i added some elderberry-dyed patches to reinforce the shoulders, and then a binding around the neck.  and the cross-stitch i put on the inside, so that it doesn't take over the design, but still it's there for us.  

jude's boro 2 class is quite amazing for inspiration of this sort and in general.  and helping me to think through how i want to dress and why.  this coat is so very jude as someone said, but i'll take that as a big YES and figure it can be me, too.  i can feel elderberry in it so fully, and i'll treasure it regardless of whether it's altogether representative of my style.  maybe it's my emerging style, or maybe it's just a mule-coat, my heirloom.

it's not even close to done yet.  lots of patching and mending left to do with the old cloth and basic stitching to hold everything down.  but i can already wear it, which is oh so satisfying.  and the ideas are flowing.  i think next i'll bundle dye with some rusty old horseshoes, then look at embroidering some sort of a mane and maybe a tail down the back.  and her brand of course.  and lots of other symbols and bits of memories in all the patches. 

1.6.12

home again

i'm finally home and decompressing following something really exciting: i filmed a spindling class for craftsy.com!!! it was incredible going to their studios in denver, working with professional producers and video folks, and meeting the genuinely nice people who work there. i can't believe how well they took care of me, from fixing my hair to making me drink water.  the class should be launched in just a couple of weeks!!  i'll keep you posted.

one of the best parts was meeting knitwear designer carol feller who came all the way from ireland to film knitting classes for craftsy! i so enjoyed hanging out in the evenings with carol over local beers, milk and cookies (free at our hotel!) and comparing notes on our days of filming... we even stole a visit to the adorable LYS, fancy tiger craft, and i treated myself to some yarn to make her killybegs cardi. i cast on the last night i was there and knitted all the way home.

and speaking of home... some quickie instagrams ...


my piece "i left my home in georgia" is in the upcoming show curated by the infamous ellen "left eye" schinderman!!!  it's somewhat of a map of my old homeplace which looms large in my memory, the place we left more than three years ago. home is where the needle marks and it is opening june 9th in LA.  yes it is.

27.4.12

the dyepot is good for more than fabric

i love these indigo-dyed bones

so, i ask myself, why the light blogging lately? things have been moving faster than i'm used to and than i'd like. i've proposed a spinning class for the community college and oh, i hope it works out!! and i've finally singed up to work some craft shows! i'll be vending at the Carolina FiberFest and making at the Maker Faire. there's another Something in the works too, but that has to wait a bit longer before i should share... it feels good to be moving outward and out of my head. no time to think, only make!

14.4.12

what's really going on...

intakes and outtakes of my usual late-afternoon etsy photo shoot..




Castro, our oldest great-great grandpa rooster, has taken to hanging out on the front porch, sometimes roosting on the futon which is outdoors at the moment, sometimes crouched right in front of the door, sometimes snacking on doggie leftovers. I think his wife was swiped by one of his kin, and he figures he's in his retirement. It's nice having him close.

At the very bottom you might spy Victor, our last remaining goose. He misses his brother and gazes longingly into the barbecue grill where I think he sees his reflection.

9.4.12

Cindy:s Core

I feel so lucky to have Cindy:s Core sitting here next to me as I stitch. This piece of Cindy:s is going to be featured at the upcoming show at the Hotel Hadley Studios, see the flyer below.

I couldn:t resist photographing Core to show it off here, and for when I have to send it back.. all this heart-full and intricate art work done by our Cindy of Handstories...