even though there is still some uncertainty (ongoing icky legal problem with evil ex, grad school dilemmas) - i have become quite clear on certain things. and i love clarity because it comes to me so rarely! when i'm stitching or working on a crafty project, i never, ever want to stop. even if i'm cold, headachey, tired, i don't want to stop. even to do fun stuff. so that has to mean something about being on the right track.
also, i'm very clear these days on what i do *not* want to do. i do not want to raise any critters. i love having critters and in another life, i would love to be a farmer. i know from limited experience that breeding and birthing animals is amaZing. but it's just not my thing. too stressful, too heartbreaking. good thing i realized this before getting into breeding bunnies. i'm very glad i took my time before getting into that.
and, as much as i admire some of the amazing taxidermy sculpture that's out there, and i have toyed with the idea of learning it for years, it is not for me either. i have done a couple of experiments with roadkill, yes i have, and while it was engrossing (no pun intended), i just do not have the stomach for it. skinning a dead animal is not so bad, really - but i detest going out and burying what's left over. burying anything just sucks, especially in this hard ground. maybe not surprising, but it surprises me. i thought the macabre fascination would get me over the grossness. but clearly not. i'm leaving open the option for experimenting with found bones and thrifted taxidermy.
so, my experiments in creating the life of my dreams are moving along in terms of defining what i do love, not just as an idea but as a lifestyle, and what i don't. i'm getting soft in my middle age, wanting more in the way of creature comforts, but i'm ok with that, and getting more grounded all the time.