mara xmas to mee
i love this pic of mum modeling the shawl i finished on christmas (it wasn't really taken in '81, that's a hipstamatic thing). it's a simple design, madeline tosh's mara, but i made mine huge and it's such a nice weight. i've not been a shawl person, but this is such an easy shawl to wear. it's been a good, soulful season, it really has.
i feel much more clear about things, in part because hub and i started juicing and having some greens and nutrition means that my health has improved. and i'm deciding, here as i write: my gift to myself is to leave school behind. i got a lot out of it back when i was doing course work, but i mustn't keep torturing myself with it. it doesn't fit my life any more. it's a kind gesture to let myself off the hook with this. it's time for life without hooks. and if it's a safety net i've been hanging onto, it's a very false and temporary one. i've gone back and forth with this so many times, but putting it here makes it real. no more whining about it or endless what-iffing. i want to put my energy into moving forward, being brave and having faith. thank you all for listening to me through all this and supporting.
i was making a list of all the things i want to do in 2012, the things that make me want to live, that fill me up. they involve a lot of making and growing of things. tinctures, and stitches, and friendships.
bye-bye, academe. nice knowing you.