Papa died on a Tuesday

and i haven't seen him since
except in my memory - i keep hoping he will haunt me.
i feel like i've lost my way with blogging
like i've lost my way with everything.  

Papa had a beautiful and green burial.  
just what he very specifically wanted, a pine box, out by the monastery.
Father Vincent did a lovely job with the memorial service.
it was so personal.
i'm still (mostly) here, gutted
and possibly more likely to pop up on fb or instagram
but some of my friends are only in blogland,
so i'll try to be here too
as i reinvent life, and find something to say.
right now nothing much seems to matter enough to bother,
except thank you for being here.


  1. I am so sorry for your loss. My own Pop died in January and we are all still wandering around unmoored and bereft.
    Is this when we finally grow up I wonder ?

  2. Much love to you dear one. I am sending lots of healing energy your way and hoping your father reaches out when he can.



  3. Wandering and just being is a good coping strategy for now, I'd say. The power of Spring will get you out the door at the right time.

  4. Fighting back tears. Loving you always, sweet angel.

  5. can you feel the giant Hillsborough hug from your sisters here? xoxo

  6. i'm so sorry Drucilla...
    your father sounds like a vey special man that truly filled your heart in every way..
    hugs and love to you.

  7. I am so sorry about your papa.

  8. I am so sorry about your papa.

  9. So sorry for your loss, I too lost my dad, 20 years ago now, and I think of him every day. When he died a yellow light started coming to me in the night, warm, comforting.... I called it my yellow light, it was him, I know, keeping me warm and safe. May you find your yellow light too

  10. So sorry, Drucilla -- I believe that when we really want to feel a connection with someone in the great beyond, we do. It will happen and you will know. Love to you.

  11. Sending loving thoughts to you at this difficult time.

  12. So very sorry about your Papa, D.

    Hanging on to memories is good, I think.

    I think eventually the pain from them evolves into smiles from them, and you're on your way to healing.

    A big warm hug to you. And thank you for your blog! :-)


  13. I'm sorry Dru .... and take your time, you'll need it
    Wish you a lot of strength and lots of happy memories

  14. I'm sorry to hear about your father and wish you every strength you need.