these are some batts i whipped up not long ago. i missed spinning and fiber so much while i was at my folks' place, but now that i'm home, i'm feeling meh about it again. there's too much else to do, too much to feel and think about and process. i think my relationship with fiber is one of control. while i'm carding, spinning, stitching, i feel as though i have some order and that things are holding together as they should. it's a great feeling. but when i'm not able to do fiber it's because all is hanging out... there is no control... or i'm admitting that there never was.
it's not that it's right or wrong to want to be in control and to be exercising that desire through fiber, but i think it's good that i become aware of it. then the maniacal stitching that happens sometimes starts to make sense. did i tell you about that book i read called Solstice Wood? i think i did, but anyway, the ladies in the fiber circle were stitching together the boundaries between the worlds. i can so easily relate to that... i want to keep the boundaries closed, at least in terms of my papa - i don't want him crossing over, not yet, not soon - but it seems they are thinning anyway and there's nothing i can do to stop it. so i'm leaving them wide open and hoping we all get swallowed up.
so what activities are good for life-in-transition? dyeing? water usually soothes my wild beast. or how about making pies. reading and sleeping have been my mainstays but i should try walking the wolf pup through the woods. too bad we lost that bungee leash, it made it so much more comfy to walk with her. she's so incredibly strong and still she wants to chase birds, so she can't be left to run on her own. catching up on blogs and feeling connected to other people today has helped a little. there must be some way of staying present even in this grief, but if i'm honest, i don't even want to, i want to escape to a make-believe world that i create and stay there. where he is always there, singing to me, just like when i was a baby girl, "you are my sunshine," or "hush, little baby." i was always most excited about the billy goat. or i can take over on the singing part. i can do that.