fluff and maudlin


these are some batts i whipped up not long ago. i missed spinning and fiber so much while i was at my folks' place, but now that i'm home, i'm feeling meh about it again.  there's too much else to do, too much to feel and think about and process.  i think my relationship with fiber is one of control.  while i'm carding, spinning, stitching, i feel as though i have some order and that things are holding together as they should.  it's a great feeling.  but when i'm not able to do fiber it's because all is hanging out... there is no control... or i'm admitting that there never was.

it's not that it's right or wrong to want to be in control and to be exercising that desire through fiber, but i think it's good that i become aware of it.  then the maniacal stitching that happens sometimes starts to make sense.  did i tell you about that book i read called Solstice Wood?  i think i did, but anyway, the ladies in the fiber circle were stitching together the boundaries between the worlds.  i can so easily relate to that... i want to keep the boundaries closed, at least in terms of my papa - i don't want him crossing over, not yet, not soon - but it seems they are thinning anyway and there's nothing i can do to stop it.  so i'm leaving them wide open and hoping we all get swallowed up.

so what activities are good for life-in-transition?  dyeing?  water usually soothes my wild beast.  or how about making pies.  reading and sleeping have been my mainstays but i should try walking the wolf pup through the woods.  too bad we lost that bungee leash, it made it so much more comfy to walk with her.  she's so incredibly strong and still she wants to chase birds, so she can't be left to run on her own.  catching up on blogs and feeling connected to other people today has helped a little.  there must be some way of staying present even in this grief, but if i'm honest, i don't even want to, i want to escape to a make-believe world that i create and stay there.  where he is always there, singing to me, just like when i was a baby girl, "you are my sunshine," or "hush, little baby."  i was always most excited about the billy goat. or i can take over on the singing part. i can do that.


  1. Sending you a hug...One day at a time.

  2. If stitching or fibers is the place you feel in control,then go there. I have found stitching a powerful remedy for grief. Cloth can hold our memories and take our pain.

  3. I am sure you are familiar with the quote, those who wander are not lost... sounds like you are wandering a bit here and there. I say let it flow.

    right now my life is upside down. I'm not sure what I should be doing, I have a lot to do, but am unable to do it right now. I will be spending my day resting and reading since I don't know where to turn.

    1. oh susan, i feel for you! let's let ourselves rest and read. it's fine since we're both doing it! xxo

  4. oh this post is just so achingly full of the love for your dad, sit still with it all and daydream, walk to remember, keep singing all the old songs he sang for you, write when you can & dye, spin & stitch all the feelings into place (((Dru)))

  5. So hard to say goodbye...

    I think you're doing it right-remembering all the good memories and just loving him.
    I think it helps 'cope' alot.
    And helps him go where he must, if it's meant to be.

    XOXOXO Treena

  6. It doesn't matter if your spinning or my stitching is a relationship of control.
    When I stitch I have double feelings: on one side there is the discipline, the repetition, the control of what I do. But at the same time my minds flyes and floats, liberating my most inner tensions. Sometimes I really need this.

  7. Somebody said the stars are in the place of chaos right now that shakes to create order. Yah. My husband's singing band is called the Maudlin Brothers. They sing old time a cappella and gospel. At fiddler's conventions they've been inadvertently announced as the Modeling Brothers, Muslim Brothers, for you, I think the Muslin Sister.