jumping in

i hope that my subconscious has been working on my homework from marisa's fishbowl e-course, because i just haven't tackled it yet. the questions are not easy, and i tend to overthink everything anyway. i second guess myself (and third and fourth guess). i'm still questioning decisions i made years ago.

i've been bummed because the hub is out of town, but it's turned out to be such a relaxed time. given me a chance to sit with myself. after listening to this week's podcast, and reading dana's awesome post on being more real online - i'm inspired to think through these questions right here, right now!



why do you love what you create?

i like creating something that fits my own particular aesthetics and interests. rather than trying to search out my perfect whatever, i can make it. i love working with my hands, and once my time and energy have gone into an object, it is part of me. creations are also little memory containers for what i was thinking, feeling, listening to at the time. so i *have* to love them on some level, because i'm trying to be nicer to myself.

what are you working on when you lose all sense of time?

embroidery and sewing. it's comforting to me and i never want to stop. i used to also lose myself in painting, but i haven't done that in a few years. sometimes i zone out when i'm spinning or knitting, but more often i am thinking about other things i need to do.

this answer isn't entirely satisfying, since i'm wanting to do more in the way of photography, and when i'm roaming around with my camera i often feel rushed or self-conscious. but i still do it a lot.



what does success mean to you?

this is the hardest one and what i always struggle with. what seems to be most important to me is freedom - specifically freedom to do what i want to with my time, and not be a slave to a job that i dislike (i've had many of those). success means having time to think, create, and spend with family.

it also means having a community, on and offline, with a dialogue around artsy issues. i have to say that i also want some sense of validation. for others to like what i make. i wish i didn't feel dependent on that, but there it is.

what does it look like?

i love our cosy home in the woods with our animal friends, but i dream of having a bigger house. i'm not sure why though - maybe i watch too much hgtv. i am interested in living more off the grid, and there's no need for more space to heat, cool and clean. i may need to let that dream go. i need more flowers though. peonies. and some sweet vacations. i also dream of living abroad some day, but i'm not sure how that will work out with our donkeys.



how are you honestly, genuinely feeling about yourself in relation to your work right now?

kinda stuck. i don't have a good routine, and working both at home and in my studio has me all disorganized. i am not treating it like a job. and i'm a little bored with what i've been doing.

i'd like to prioritize and set some goals. one friend told me that she works part of the time on her "production line" and part on her fine art, and each are marketed differently, but they support and inform each other. at this point, i am in the middle of all these thoughts and have no answers. i'd love to hear yours...